5.22.2012

The Rules

I found this article after a friend posted it on facebook and I loved every bit of it!


Admittedly, I only have one son and he's only 8 months old (almost 9) but this makes sense and it called to my heart! I want Kamden and any future sons to know these things: that I will always be there cheering for them, that I can kiss him whenever I want, that he can call me anytime and he can cry in front of me too. I want him to know that this world is open to opportunity and possibility and he should explore it endlessly. He should know he can have fun and get dirty, but he should also know how to do a load of laundry or iron a shirt. 

I will take pictures and laugh with him when he takes a glass of orange juice, spills it all over the floor, and buries his face in it (not that that's happened), but then I will teach him how to clean it up (when he's a little older)!


Ultimately, I want him to know I am his mom, I love him,I will try to teach him all things good, and answer his questions the best I know how! He's strong but he's gentle. He's energetic but he's fragile and I'm here to teach him these things, as well as how to accept them.

Most days I am saying, "Heaven help me!" and really, I know deep down that heaven is helping me, every day!


5.20.2012

Wide Open Spaces

Lately I have been going a little crazy with how cramped everything is here. I'm not a city girl! Not even close to it and it seems that everything here is city! There is no country, there are no empty roads, no wide open spaces and the country girl in me is dying to see some mountains or something even remotely similar!

Something like this


I don't like huge crowds of people. I like intimate, close, quiet settings. I like to go out and have fun but ultimately I am not one for the traffic, the constant honking, in a hurry atmosphere that there is when you drive. I am also not one for the swarms of people that seem to be everywhere: walmart, costco, the Dutch Market, any kind of event, even the park.

I find myself getting anxious about a lot of things that would never bother me before. I never noticed anxiety problems in me before but being here has definitely brought that out in me. I worry a lot more, about myself, about Nathan, about Kamden, about our apartment, about driving, about walking, about every day little things. It was nice to hear from a fellow Blackfoot, country girl who is living only about 30 minutes from us here in Maryland that she has struggled with the same thing. She has wanted open spaces and fresh air; she worries too like me, more than she used to.

It seems there is a character that the air in Idaho has that is just unattainable here. I used to LOVE setting out on a drive to nowhere in particular after a long, hard day. It seemed to help heal my soul whenever it started to grow weary of life. I haven't found that here and unfortunately I haven't found something that feels quite the same. I've tried driving here after a long, hard day and it does quite the opposite. It usually just makes the day even harder or longer. I like to look out the window and see open farming fields, or towering mountains. Here I look out the window and see towering trees that only mask a few of the towering buildings that I see the other half of the time I look out the window.

I know there is purpose in the madness that Maryland seems to consist of but for me, the small town, country girl I can't count down the days fast enough until I can breathe the fresh mountain air, drive the wide open roads that lead to nowhere, and experience the slower pace of life that Idaho brings me.

Something a little more like this
Nearing Summers End

Found here

That looks like home to me!
Some day, hopefully sooner than later!

5.18.2012

Crawling

The only big milestone I don't think this guy has hit now is walking! He's now crawling and he is serious about it! It's really fun to watch, when at times he has to think about it for a second in the morning but after a while he's all set. Nathan asked me yesterday how I was going to keep up with him now. I've been thinking about it and my only answer is that I probably won't!

video

It will be interesting to see when he walks since he is already pulling himself up on everything in sight that he can get his little hands on!

He's still just the most adorable little boy we've ever laid our eyes on! We're working on him saying "mama" and "dada" but he doesn't seem too interested yet.

 Kamden and the mohawk his dad gave him.

We are having a blast though and it gets more fun every day!

5.17.2012

Celebrating "Big Apple" Style

Remember the little thing about leaving for the weekend?

Yeah, well guess where I was! None other than the big apple, New York City, folks! Was it the greatest mother's day present ever? No, not quite but you will here why in a second! ;-)

We left Saturday morning, bright and early after I kissed my Bubba Bear (almost to death). We rode a bus for 5 hours (not the greatest) but totally worth it. Right away we checked out Madison Square Gardens, got lost on the Subway, figured ourselves out, and then hit Times Square! Unfortunately, there was a big event going on in Times Square so we didn't really get to explore.





 




 
After Times Square we walked to the hotel and checked in, lost the backpacks, rested our feet and backs for awhile, checked out the overpriced mini/snack bar, freshened up, and then headed out for dinner!

Dinner was great! It was at a nice place across from Rockefeller plaza where we sat outside and enjoyed a meal with our friendly butterfly friends! And, after dinner is when I got "The Best Mother's Day Present Ever", at least to date. We walked down the road a bit to Gershwin Theater where I got to see Wicked for the first time ever, in the 4th row, in New York City! We got pictures and souvenirs, waiting in an insane line for the restroom during intermission, made it back to my seat just in time, and loved every minute of it!

 This butterfly landed on my hair bow at one point during our meal but flew away right before Nathan got a picture!





Ice cream was just the best end to the best day at that point so we devoured a pint of Lady Liberty Mint Cookie Ice Cream in Rockefeller plaza. How lovely!


After returning to our lively hotel, which I will just say the Wish New York Hotel has some pretty good nightlife, we joked about me going down and dancing on a table (completely modest dancing) for everyone to try and show up the lovely girl feeling the tunes out there. It was all in fun, really! Nathan fixed up my back with Deep Relief and then we were off to bed a little while later.

The next morning we caught breakfast at Dunkin' Donuts and headed out to Central Park. We had breakfast on a rock overlooking the park, walked around, checked out the carriages, perused around the huge street market, and then hit the subway back to Penn Station.



We had New York pizza (I had a salad) one more time, waiting for our bus for an hour, and then headed home to see my ever so loved little boy.
(Speaking of the little boy, he started crawling today! I will blog about that soon!)

We finished celebrating Nathan's birthday and Mother's Day (both on the same day) by skyping with family, talking on the phone, failing at trying to make Angel Food Cake (Nathan's favorite), and hugging and kissing Kamden (almost to death) again!

P.S. I really have to get this Angel Food Cake thing down, eventually. It's not easy!

We had an awesome weekend full of all things wonderful with the opportunity to celebrate each of us in some special way!


5.16.2012

Broken but Strong

You know, I'm not real sure about this post. It's coming out of a lot of feelings and thoughts that probably haven't been thought through yet. The writing process should help that thinking through thing though, right?

Well, I guess you could say I've been having my own mini breakdowns of sorts lately. I'm not really me. At least, I don't feel like me. Am I really this angry, bitter, unfulfilled, and purposeless person I feel like lately. I know I'm not this person and it makes me all the more angry when I think about it because I don't want to be this person.

Honestly, It's been like this for awhile. I don't know when it started. Don't worry for those that do read this blog, I'll be okay. I'm sure. It's just one of those hard times that I'm sure I'll refer to later in life and realize it wasn't that bad. Either that or I'm learning something that takes a lot of trying. We all have those hard times, right? 

When talking to my husband the other day about it all, I told him I just don't even know what's wrong with me. There are a whole bunch of things like unmotivated and unfulfilled that explain how I feel but I know that's not the real problem. 

Someone please remind me to just keep swimming, just keep swimming! I hope you aren't all annoyed and saying, "quit complaining" by now but I think I'm going somewhere with this post. Maybe!

.....

See, I know I've said it before on the blog in so many words but I'm here again because evidently I still need it. There's one word that I think has lost true meaning in the world some days. It's called honesty. I mean real, pure honesty. Some days I ask myself is it really possible to be honest and nice sometimes? I find myself hiding the truth sometimes by writing or talking about rainbows and flowers, and all things happy when inside I feel like I'm ready to break at any second. It's those days that I feel more fragile than glass tumbling to the hard ground. 

I know that I'm not the only who feels that fragile at times. I also know that some days we feel stronger than steel. Let's reverse it for a minute though. In all reality, most days it's the times we feel fragile that truly we are stronger. It's probably the days where we feel as though we're tired of seeing everyone else be helped and coddled (how do you spell that word); that in any split second we will break, although selfish at times, we are strong, stronger than steel. I'm not sure if this all makes sense to me yet. I'm not even sure if it's always true but I hope to heaven it is. I hope it's those moments of fragility (I think that's a word) that something deep inside me musters up every bit of courage in my being to be, although-it meager, the best I can possibly be at that moment, in that day.

You see, even though I feel angry, bitter, sad, unfulfilled, unmotivated, broken, and hurting a lot of the time lately I'm going to keep hoping that just means deep down I'm strong and growing even stronger. I hope you feel the same way and I hope that some day I'll look back and realize it wasn't that bad. Either that or realize that it really was that bad, however it taught me even better on how to be stronger. I hope it teaches my son that in the hard times, he's strong. I hope it teaches his children the same thing.

5.11.2012

Surprise

Tomorrow morning I'm leaving with this guy on the left!


To who knows where! Well, Nathan knows! I don't!

And this little guy, who I will miss a lot, A LOT



He is staying with this bigger guy while we are gone.


That's about all I know for now!

More to come! Happy Weekend! Happy almost Birthday, Nathan! Happy Mother's Day, moms!
 We have a lot to celebrate!

5.08.2012

8 Months

Another month has flown by and Kamden was 8 months old yesterday! 

I feel like I got stuck in the 3-6 month stage and I have to keep reminding myself that he really has grown since then! 



In fact, the little man is already pulling himself up onto furniture and pretty much anything he thinks will hold him. He hasn't stopped since he learned how this last week and now the biggest challenge is getting him to go to sleep for naps or bedtime because he just wants to pull himself up onto the edge of the crib. I love watching him because he just seems way to small to be able to do it. People have been telling us he was a strong little boy since he was born and I've always known it but I still can't wrap my head around it!


We are still working on the crawling. He gets around really quickly with his "walrus scoot" as we call it, so he just hasn't found the desire to crawl. Maybe he will walk first! However, since he has become more mobile he falls a lot more, or bonks his head, or frustrates himself because he can't get something. He has his moments but overall he is such a good boy.

Kamden still doesn't have any teeth out yet but I'm pretty sure there trying to make an entrance soon. He's definitely been a little sensitive lately compared to his norm.


He still likes someone to be close by (separation anxiety is manifesting itself), but otherwise is a pretty independent little player and he's still usually pretty good about letting me get some things done. However, now he wants to be a little more involved with everything we do.

The kid is still a huge talker and mover. When we are in church it's hard to set him down anymore because with in a second he's off and running. He wants to play with everyone's bags, papers, chairs, and more so it gets a little tricky keeping him busy close by. We also find him to not be very polite when others are talking! Ha ha :-) Out of nowhere he will just start talking (ooohhhing and ahhhhing) as loud as he can!

Another fun thing is that sometimes all he has to do is look at me and all the sudden he will bust out in a giggle for no reason (other than I am pretty funny looking) and it makes me smile every time.


Every day is a new thing with him. He keeps us on our toes and makes us love him more each day!

5.02.2012

Sisters

Today I have a soul aching for my best girl friends in this world. I'm aching for some girl time. Every few months I start to feel this familiar ache. It comes when I have lost motivation. It comes when I need a little understanding from the ones I know get me. 

One of the hardest parts of living in Maryland is being away from these three amazing ladies.


I can't count the number of times I have wished to call one of them up and tell them to stop by for cookies and a chat. There are many numerous occasions I wish I could just drop in for a couple hours to fill up this void that seems to constantly ache. I wish I could bake bread with them, or go to the park for a picnik. I want to have pizza and movie nights. I wish we could talk in person more often and I really want the hugs. I want to give and receive hugs when we need to know somebody cares. I wish I had shopping partners who can give honest, real advice and opinions with fashion. 

Really, I just miss them, my sisters. I truly believe a sister can dry certain tears, heal a weary heart, comfort a tired soul, and encourage success sometimes like nobody else has the ability to do. There's an understanding between sisters that is untouchable by all other relationships and that is priceless.

Darn the millions of miles between us. They make my heart hurt and my sister soul yearn for days of togetherness. 

I love you Sara LaRue, Shylo Rose, and Shanon Carlie. 

I miss you.
ALOT!