Counting myself Lucky

I've had a few thoughts running through my head lately. Thoughts of Kamden and just how lucky I am to be his mommy,  to be the one that cares for him, and loves him unconditionally. I have a heart that has grown more than imaginable for this little boy and I can't imagine my life any other way!

I've heard of and read a couple blogs lately about children who passed from this life to early, too young. I've read of the struggles of parents who said farewell to their little ones with a heart that is breaking beyond belief. I've read of parents who love and care for their baby with poor health. I've witnessed family and friends who have tried and tried and for whatever reason can't carry a baby long enough or there are those who can't get pregnant as well.

I've thought about this for a long time actually. About the time I got pregnant with Kamden these stories seemed all the more real to me. I didn't have trouble getting pregnant. I didn't have any major problems during my pregnancy. My baby boy was born healthy and strong and he continues to be. I would try to put myself (mentally) in the situation of friends and family, or strangers I had read about, and I couldn't imagine. Now that I have Kamden here with me; now that I am able to experience joys and pains of motherhood my heart hurts all the more for those who haven't been able to experience it or those who did and had it taken away prematurely. I'm lucky and I'm blessed. I know I didn't do anything more to receive this blessing than anyone else in this world, I just did. 

Heavenly Father knows us individually. I know he knows so much more than me, the reason and purpose of the circumstances in which he calls us to endure. My mind can't comprehend it. I've tried and failed many times. So, I've learned in this process of becoming a mother that I am called to be a mother at this time in my life. I am called to enjoy it. I am set apart to teach him and nurture him. I am lucky in all aspects of life. I have my struggles. We all do. But mine are different. I try to wish away those struggles all the time just as I can only imagine all those without the opportunity of parenting do. 

I can't comprehend the hurt and pain that a trial of infertility, miscarriage, or death of a child would bring. I just can't do it. None of us can unless we are called to pass through the trial. I can, however, do one thing. I can enjoy what I have been given. I can enjoy my son. I can try to count myself lucky every morning when I hear that little boy talking to himself or crying early in the morning. I can learn to appreciate the pains of motherhood because it means I have the great opportunity to be a mother.

I've read so many stories. I've witness it time and again with family and friends. Not many people read this blog. Most of the people I know experiencing this trial don't but this post is really not for them I guess. I can't say or do anything to comfort their hearts. This is more of a confirmation and a reminder for me to enjoy the journey of motherhood. And that every day I enjoy it; every time I remember and count myself lucky I will say a little prayer for you. You are the mothers and fathers who struggle with a sick child; the parents who say farewell to a child at any age. You are the ones who have had to struggle with infertility and miscarriage. I love you and I admire you because you are strong. You are amazing and I pray for you that no matter the timing you will experience the same journey. Hold strong and carry on. You are an example of the raw, tender, and real feelings of so many.

You are better than you think you are!


I Love Honesty

I do, I love honesty and tonight I'm being honest! I really needed this article. It sounds like me lately. I have found myself thinking these same things lately. It's not what you think it is!

I was meant to be a mother and a wife but let me tell you there are usually multiple times a day that I ask myself, "Really, what did you get yourself into!" It's when I'm not asking myself this that I think you should worry. That means something is probably wrong with Kamden because he is too quiet. It probably means we haven't eaten anything in days because I don't have a sink full of dirty dishes that morning. It might even mean that I didn't give into that little guilty pleasure of checking facebook a few times a day, watching an episode of whatever online, reading up on blogs, or updating my own blog, and you know if that's the case I'm probably pretty grumpy because I didn't take any "me" time!

I need that time to enjoy the good times, the smiles, the laughter!

I wonder some days how I can handle two kids or even more, like I figure I might have some day. I wonder sometimes why I can't have a career and get out of the house every morning, go to work for 8 hours, and accomplish something visible or noteworthy to the world. I'm being honest here. I hope I'm not the only one!

But, like I said, I know I was meant to do this. It's a work I was called and set apart to do as a woman. I am happy to do it. I am lucky to have the opportunity! It is the greatest way to experience true joy! 

Anyways, I appreciate this article and point of view! It's a little refreshing and it's honest!
I hope I am not the only one!

(Pictures are from Mystic Memories blog because I'm not patient enough to wait and post later!)


Christmas in Idaho

You have to know we were so excited to head to Idaho for Christmas this year. Last year we weren't able to go back and this year it was a must since Kamden had not met most of his aunts, uncles, cousins, and great grandparents. I can not even tell you how much fun we had. I would have been happy to skip all the issues we had with our baggage while flying but we made it both ways safe so I'm grateful for that! One lesson learned is that the car seats Southwest Airlines loans out are not ideal!

Anyways, we were all spoiled! Kamden was always in somebody's arms and mom and dad both got some time to relax and have fun too!

We spent a day traveling from Utah to Idaho visiting Kamden's great grandparents and then stayed in Grace a couple days until Christmas. We read the Christmas story, opened presents, and went to church with Nathan's family Christmas morning and then we were off to Blackfoot to visit family there. We visited, gave Kamden a bath after his huge blowout, opened presents, and ate until we couldn't eat anymore!

After Christmas we spent some time in Pocatello with family and friends, went fourwheeling a couple times, met the horse, played the Farming Game a few times, played Five Crowns a few times, watched a few movies, took some naps, had a baby shower for Shylo, got family pictures, experienced Kamden's worst blowout to date during family pictures, bundled up in the cold weather, stayed warm, went to the Lava Hot Pools, had hot chocolate and ice cream at the same time with good friends, got our feet zoned, and enjoyed some more time with family!

On New Years we blessed Kamden and had a lunch afterwards where we got to visit with more family and friends and then we came back east on Tuesday, January 3rd. We experienced some more unfortunate baggage issues and finally arrived back to our apartment early Wednesday morning around 2:00 am tired, worn out, and sick too! We wore ourselves out but recovered soon after and were wishing we were back in Idaho!

A Name and a Blessing

While we were in Idaho for Christmas vacation we had the opportunity to bless Kamden on New Years Day.

He was given a great blessing in an outfit and blanket that his Great Grandma Mower made for him, at the LDS 11th ward in Blackfoot, and we had a great lunch with family and friends that followed at Grandma and Grandpa Oler's house.

Dear Kamden,

You were blessed on January 1, 2012 in Blackfoot, Idaho at the LDS 11th ward building. There were so many family and friends who came to witness and to meet you for the first time. When you were blessed that morning, you were surrounded by 14 worthy priesthood holders who love you very much and are excited to watch you grow, develop, and accomplish the things you were promised in your blessing. You were such a good boy during your blessing even though mom was worried you might cry since you were ready for a nap. I prayed you would be happy during the blessing and you were. After your blessing though, you were definitely ready for a nap!

Kamden, I still love to read your blessing and ponder on the things you were blessed with and promised. You were given the name of Kamden Wade Benson and then blessed that you would feel the Holy Spirit close to you as you grew older. You were also blessed that you would feel the Spirit of discernment to recognize how you could come closer to Christ and to be a blessing to us (your parents) to teach us the unconditional love a parent has for a child and that we would also grow closer to Christ through you. You were also promised that you would go on a mission and also find a worthy companion to enter the house of the Lord with as you are faithful. Also, in your blessing was that you would have strength and force of character to serve faithfully in the church, that you would be an example to those around you as well as those will come after you and enter our family. You will be a light to those around you and a beacon on a hill to show the way to Christ.

After your blessing you enjoyed meeting so many friends and family. You were in someone's arms the entire day but you loved pretty much every minute of it! You had great grandparents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, second cousins, and some of mom and dad's good friends who all came to support you.

We are so grateful and blessed to have you in our family. You bring us so much joy and happiness that we could have never experienced without you.


Mom and Dad


Images of Kamden

I decided it was time to post some of my favorite pictures we have taken of Kamden.

I just think he is absolutely adorable and I look at pictures we have taken in the past month and it just proves to me how much he has grown! 

He really loves sitting in this sink for some reason! He was crying one morning while I was getting ready and so Nathan came in and stuck him in the sink. He stopped crying the instant he sat in the sink and he still does the same thing! Silly kid!

Please, ignore the fact that I look terrible in this picture! (Motherhood isn't always glamorous!) I just love Kamden's face so I had to get over my pride and post it!

Our buddy bear grinning during a random nap!

I found him like this after unwrapping him one morning...hillarious!

Kamden and Dad at the Washington D.C. Temple Festival of Lights

Hanging out Christmas morning!

Christmas Afternoon

In his snow suit after fourwheeling!

Hugging his turtle from Aunt Shanon

And a couple videos of our handsome man!

Hanging out in the sink again!

An attempt at getting his giggle but he stopped giggling the minute I got the camera out! He loves playing with dad though!

He is just adorable, isn't he?


Growing Up

I feel like my little boy is turning into a big boy overnight! He's growing up so fast and I'm saying what every mother does at one point! "I wish he would stop growing so fast...I wish I could freeze time!" He has almost doubled in weight since he was born and he is even gaining some height! 

On Saturday he turned 4 months old and those 4 months have gone by pretty quick in all honesty. There were some days we thought would never end. We had our trials...we still do, but he brings more joy into our lives every day.

He weighed in at 12 lbs 4 oz. at his appointment today putting him in the 7th percentile. He is 25.5 in. long and his head circumference is 16 in. This little guy of ours is gaining on those charts! He's always been healthy but had a hard go at gaining weight because of a few reasons but he is now steadily gaining and we are happy with it.

Some things to remember about Kamden:
He still likes to be swaddled when he is sleeping.
Kamden sleeps through the night as he always has.
He hates getting in his car seat and voices his opinion on the matter every time.
He has started to roll over. We still haven't got it on camera yet. It happens every once in a while but he won't ever do it again right after.
He watches his bottle very intently when it's time to eat!
Kamden enjoys watching football with his uncles.
He loves standing.
He hates tummy time.
 Family pictures are only possible in about 15 minute increments with him. If it goes longer he protests in creative ways, such as having the worst blow out he's had to date!

 Life is good with Kamden Wade!