I've had a few thoughts running through my head lately. Thoughts of Kamden and just how lucky I am to be his mommy, to be the one that cares for him, and loves him unconditionally. I have a heart that has grown more than imaginable for this little boy and I can't imagine my life any other way!
I've heard of and read a couple blogs lately about children who passed from this life to early, too young. I've read of the struggles of parents who said farewell to their little ones with a heart that is breaking beyond belief. I've read of parents who love and care for their baby with poor health. I've witnessed family and friends who have tried and tried and for whatever reason can't carry a baby long enough or there are those who can't get pregnant as well.
I've thought about this for a long time actually. About the time I got pregnant with Kamden these stories seemed all the more real to me. I didn't have trouble getting pregnant. I didn't have any major problems during my pregnancy. My baby boy was born healthy and strong and he continues to be. I would try to put myself (mentally) in the situation of friends and family, or strangers I had read about, and I couldn't imagine. Now that I have Kamden here with me; now that I am able to experience joys and pains of motherhood my heart hurts all the more for those who haven't been able to experience it or those who did and had it taken away prematurely. I'm lucky and I'm blessed. I know I didn't do anything more to receive this blessing than anyone else in this world, I just did.
Heavenly Father knows us individually. I know he knows so much more than me, the reason and purpose of the circumstances in which he calls us to endure. My mind can't comprehend it. I've tried and failed many times. So, I've learned in this process of becoming a mother that I am called to be a mother at this time in my life. I am called to enjoy it. I am set apart to teach him and nurture him. I am lucky in all aspects of life. I have my struggles. We all do. But mine are different. I try to wish away those struggles all the time just as I can only imagine all those without the opportunity of parenting do.
I can't comprehend the hurt and pain that a trial of infertility, miscarriage, or death of a child would bring. I just can't do it. None of us can unless we are called to pass through the trial. I can, however, do one thing. I can enjoy what I have been given. I can enjoy my son. I can try to count myself lucky every morning when I hear that little boy talking to himself or crying early in the morning. I can learn to appreciate the pains of motherhood because it means I have the great opportunity to be a mother.
I've read so many stories. I've witness it time and again with family and friends. Not many people read this blog. Most of the people I know experiencing this trial don't but this post is really not for them I guess. I can't say or do anything to comfort their hearts. This is more of a confirmation and a reminder for me to enjoy the journey of motherhood. And that every day I enjoy it; every time I remember and count myself lucky I will say a little prayer for you. You are the mothers and fathers who struggle with a sick child; the parents who say farewell to a child at any age. You are the ones who have had to struggle with infertility and miscarriage. I love you and I admire you because you are strong. You are amazing and I pray for you that no matter the timing you will experience the same journey. Hold strong and carry on. You are an example of the raw, tender, and real feelings of so many.
You are better than you think you are!